this morning my phone rang and i woke up while i dreamt i was on the apprentice, working for lord sugar, developing a shaving razor. i was project manager and had just arrived at the scene of the shoot for the advert we were making. i watched on the test screen as the actor (who looked to be made out of playmobil) stroked his cheek, 'ooh smooth like heaven'. i say "i did not give the green light on the use of that phrase", i swish my coat and turn towards lord sugar. he says that the next point we are to consider is advertising - 'now, think about it carefully' he says. 'TOP GEAR.... we'll advertise on top gear' i say, and i know that i have cracked it. i've done it, i've got the golden ticket, i am Stella.
i answer my phone, it's 9am. i awake straight into an interview for a job as a recruitment consultant. i have actually already been interviewed by this man about eight months ago. that time i didn't get beyond, 'so tell me what makes you want to get into recruitment', i said that i didn't want to, that i didn't know anything about it, and that the idea of working in sales made me want to cry even though i didn't know what it was. i still feel vaguely the same. i would like to have gargled my answers RECRUITMENT CONSULTBLEEEEEH! but my dream had made me think that perhaps i was the apprentice. i brushed the crumbs of my bedclothes and thought, what would stella do.
deeply immature but keeps having deja vu, which makes me think - older than i am? i have just made christmas biscuits. last night i watched the elephant man. i can see over five different types of bird from my window. does the blue tit wish he had a hat. integrity? where is my integrity. where are my sequinned pants. where is my storyboard. where's my silky tights.
a bizarre creative malaise. x
